There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
