ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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