I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
