I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize