Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
