I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
