even my farts smell like vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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