i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
