she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
