Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize