Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
