When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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