I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
