There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just gargled with NyQuil
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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