i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
