she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
