i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
