Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
