Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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