So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
