Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
