He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize