is your mom at the bar?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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