Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
