That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
