We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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