Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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