she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
