Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
