I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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