dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
