Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
