3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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