Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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