There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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