too bad you live with your parents still
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
