Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
