Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
