I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
