Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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