this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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