She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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