Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
