I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
