I just saw a hot homeless man
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
