If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
