I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
