Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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