you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
