What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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