What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
