I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
