I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
