You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize