I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
