I cockslap morals
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
