Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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