he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
