yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
