I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
