It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize