Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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