She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
