The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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