never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
