Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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