Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize