You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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