I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I look better un-naked...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
