some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
