Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize