we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just high enough for therapy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
