you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
