Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
