I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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