the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize