who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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