Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
