I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
