i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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