mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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