Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
