There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Panties = found
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize