the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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